There in the silence my soul gave way to tears. The shriek of agony that rose up inside died out on my lips as the darkness closed in around me,  seeping through the barriers of indifference and false strength, pulling down my fragile walls of cynicsm and doubt, knocking over the tower of anger. My inner sanctuary of hopes and dreams was now exposed.

Slowly the black hand of eternal emptiness squeezed its fingers ’round the treasures of my soul. A scream of torment grew, coursing through my veins, raging war on my heart, seeking escape through my open lips. But there it died.

The hand that had crushed that which was most precious to me could hurt me no longer. Slowly the fingers uncurled from their iron grip. And there in the silence my inner sanctuary crumbled like ashes into the dust.

 

dance with me
take my hand in yours
lead me onto the floor
place your hand
around my waist
and I will press mine
against your shoulder

spin me
twirl us around
in unison
with the music
faster
till we have to pause
to catch our breath

your heartbeat pulses
through your hand
and into mine
in a single moment

our breath regained
you move forward
beginning a new step
within this dance

lead me
I will follow

 

Today is Pink

pink fuzzy socks.
warm, cheery happiness on my toes.
no other color will do for me today.
maybe tomorrow.
tomorrow might be a blue day.
or a red day.
perhaps a yellow one.
but today is pink.
pink and cheery.
warmth around my toes.
gently cushioning my footsteps.
snuggly and soft.
today is pink.

 

freewrite – October Seventeenth

written without lifting my pen from my paper except to cross an occasional “t” or dot a wandering “i” . . .

take my hand, walk with me, love me like only you can, run with me, watch me grow, spinning crazily, dizzily out of control, i want to jump, i need you to catch me, catch me when i fall, keep me from hitting the pavement, lift me up, let me trust you, follow you, everywhere stepping in your footprints, my small foot inside your larger step, needing you, protect me, hold me, i will love you, adore you, honor you, never leave your side, you’re my everything, my world is in your hands, your voice, your smile, your eyes, listen to me, i’ll listen to you, don’t give up, don’t go away, don’t make me cry, i need you, do you need me?

 

Who are They?

 

i am unworthy

unlovely and unlovable

pushing away everyone

and everything dear

it hurts to love

to care

the burden of life is heavy

too heavy

and i’ve stumbled

fallen to the ground

and can’t pick myself back up

here in the dust i cry

muddy tears sting my cheeks

i lay still

paralyzed

there is nothing left in me to fight

nothing to fight for

or against

i am empty

 

freewriting exercise

dreaming, speaking, laughing, loving, teaching small children games and things like pick-up sticks and jacks and jumprope. lessons and learning – teaching me as much as them. no work without play. no play without work. everything intertwines. pieces of life touching, overlapping, melding together. one large pot with everything thrown in. life’s chicken soup.

 

dandelion

I made myself sit down and write for 10 minutes tonight. This is what came:

delicately complex
intricate softness
inhaling deeply
gentle windstorm
severing satin
abruptly scattered

white silk floating
minute worlds
tumbling

gracefully dancing
falling softly
gentle beams
catching silk
raindrops christen
earth conceives

velvet tresses capture
satin seedlings
adorning

 

Oh, beautiful day!

 

may 21

I got birthday butterflies.